A Speedster, an Archer, and a Space Cop Walk into a Bar...

[iesika]

Please don't ask how, but this was somehow inspired by RöYKSOPP's Tricky Tricky. No, really, I said don't ask, because I don't get it either, but somehow, I heard it on the radio and this story, like, APPEARED MAGICALLY IN MY BRAIN.

Title: A Speedster, an Archer, and a Space Cop Walk Into a Bar...
Characters: Hal, Barry, and Ollie
Summary: Is it just me, or are the Robins getting progressively crazier as the years go by?
Continuity: Right before Blackest Night, I guess? Assume spoilers for Bat-things up to the current. I'm probably all confused about who met which Robins when, but nevermind that.

　
A Speedster, an Archer, and a Space Cop Walk Into a Bar...

...and sit down with a few drinks and start gossiping like old women. After about three beers each, Hal leans in over the table and says in a low voice - Bruce is gone and no longer potentially lurking in every shadow, but habit remains - "Is it just me, or are the Robins getting progressively crazier as the years go by?"

Ollie chokes on his beer and gets foam all in his beard. Barry thumps him soundly on the back and says "how so?"

"Well," Hal says, "everybody knows Dick's all right - a little codependent, but a stand up guy."

Barry tips his glass in agreement. Ollie is still coughing, but he's found some napkins for his beard.

"Then there was the next one. Todd?"

Ollie clears his throat. "Jason Todd, yeah. Roy liked him. Chip on his shoulder, so of course they got along."

"I don't know," Hal says, "he always seemed kind of off, to me. I'm not talking about the way he came back, either."

"I don't think I ever met him," Barry says.

"Then again," Ollie continues, "I think Roy said the kid collected teeth." Barry and Hal turn to stare at him. Ollie takes a long pull from his glass. When it's empty, he shakes it at the waitress.

Hal sits his own glass down. "Teeth?"

"Thank you," Ollie says, as the waitress appears with a fresh glass. He turns back to Hal. "So maybe you're onto something."

"Teeth?" Hal says again.

Barry frowns. "Wally likes the new kid, though," he says. "Well, not the new new kid. You know."

"He was all right," Ollie says reluctantly. "Quiet. A little creepy, like a mini-ghoul, but he and Conner were pals, and Mia liked him fine. Poor kid's had a hell of a run of luck."

"Right up until he snapped and disappeared off the face of the Earth."

Barry shakes his head sadly. "Two of Bruce's boys gone rogue. That's a scary thought."

"And I've heard the newest one is about two inches from rogue at any damned moment."

Ollie snorts. "Dick needs to keep that one on a leash. I went with Dinah to go see her girlfriends? Kid offered to make me a eunuch."

Hal grins. "Might do you good."

"Isn't he, like, eight?" Barry says, incredulous. "I didn't know what a eunuch was when I was eight."

Hal pats him consolingly on the shoulder. "The times, they are a changin', Barry."

Barry shrugs him off with a good-natured shove. "That reminds me," he says, "I heard there was a girl."

Hal raises an eyebrow. "A girl."

"A girl Robin."

Hal shakes his head. "Naw. I mean, I heard that, but then the other one was still around."

"No," Ollie says, "there was a girl."

"Really?"

"I told you," Barry crows. He might be a little drunk.

"Yeah. She was a Bird for a while. Calls herself Spoiler. Dinah says she's a good kid, but she needs some seasoning."

"So," Hal says, "how's my hypothesis? Is she crazy?"

Ollie scoffs. "Of course she is. She's gone and got herself mixed up with the Bats, of her own free will. That's about the craziest thing anybody can do."

Barry snorts into his near-empty glass. Hal begins to chuckle. After a beat, Ollie joins them.

"To Bruce," Hal says. "And his army of crazy children."

They tap their glasses together, and drain them dry.

END

Comments

[darthanne.livejournal.com]

rather scarily spot on in places. Cool to see some of the older characters that I actually remember reading....

[iesika.livejournal.com]

I wish I could write more of them for you, but Barry's unfortunately been dead for almost as long as I've been alive, so I don't know him all that well. He is back, though. And I wasn't really reading comics for most of Hal's career, but I'm now a little in love with him

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a [...] itty.</a>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

I wish I could write more of them for you, but Barry's unfortunately been dead for almost as long as I've been alive, so I don't know him all that well. He is back, though. And I wasn't really reading comics for most of Hal's career, but I'm now a little in love with him <A href="http://victoria-wayne.livejournal.com/175307.html"because of Itty.</a>

Now Ollie, Ollie I can write. I've got two Arrowfamily fics in progress (Conner/Robin, like my icon, but featuring Ollie prominently, because bouncing Ollie off of various Bats is never not funny.

[faile-neume.livejournal.com]

Oooh I love to see outsiders perspectives of the Bat family. I really loved the little mention of Dick and Timmy in canon when Barry and Hal(maybe? Someone else?) were at Bruce's grave. I can't even remember what comic it was in.

Anyway! This was great! Poor Robins :(

And your icon is kind of creepy. Context plz?

[iesika.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you like the ficlet. Yay meta-disguised-as-fic! I've always kind of wondered what the other heros think of Robin - not personally, but as a phenomenon. Nobody else has has five kid sidekicks, and how weird is that?.

The icon is from ASBAR, which ought to explain the Wrong. Using it here amused me.

[faile-neume.livejournal.com]

I'm always curious as to what the heroes think of each other. I want to have an entire issue of JLA or something where they spend the whole time gossiping, it'd be awesome.

Oh! ASBAR. Everything makes sense now.

[iesika.livejournal.com]

To be fair, the second text block covered up his little Robin thighs there...I had to scoot it over and draw them back in for maximum Wrongness. ...I may do that a lot, when I make icons/

That book gave me serious creepy-pedo-Bruce vibes. There's that whole scene where he gets worked up watching Canary fight, and then they fuck in the mud. And then there's that whole scene where he gets worked up watching Dick fight, and they go HUG in the mud. Not to mention Bruce stalking poor Dick like he was Tim or something, at the begining...

[faile-neume.livejournal.com]

I edit icons I make, mostly when I don't want text boxes in the icon.

I haven't read much of ASBAR, only whats been posted on s_d. But yeah, it's really creepy.

[iesika.livejournal.com]

I could send you the .cbrs, if you like. I highly recommend reading it for the crack value (and also Dick is very, very pretty in it), and for the YELLOW scene (you will know it when you see it).

And then once you read it, you can read All The Stars Look Down, which is wonderful. WONDERFUL. Because snake_easing's Tim is just as obsessed as ever, only in this verse, he's trying to rescue Robin. It's such a fabulous treatment of abuse and stockholm syndrome, and Tim is perfect, and he gets Steph and Jason involved... Yeah. Read ASBAR just so you can read ATSLD.

[faile-neume.livejournal.com]

I'd love the .cbrs but I probably won't be able to download and read it today seeing as I've just been downloading todays new releases and we don't have lots of bandwidth.

Stalker!Timmy is wonderful <3

[runespoor7.livejournal.com]

She's gone and got herself mixed up with the Bats, of her own free will. That's about the craziest thing anybody can do.

This is the fairest assessment of the Bats, Steph, and Steph's involvement with them in one fell swoop.

Ollie's reluctance to speak ill of the Robins is very cute (I did read that right, right? The choking on his beer and defending each of them in turn?), especially since he's the only one to have met them all. Otherwise, Hal's disconcert in front of Jason supposedly collecting teeth is funny, in a not very charitable way.

[iesika.livejournal.com]

Heh. Well, Ollie has kid sidekicks that have interacted with all the Robins, and more connections to the Birds through Dinah. Also he was dead the least, out of the three, I am pretty sure. He *was* dead when Jason died, though - and him seeing Jason in the afterlife at a distance and thinking he was Dick and being sad choked me up a little, even though it was played for laughs.

He choked because he thought the question was pretty funny, though. XD