iesika

The service was packed. At the visitation, people were literally lined up around the block for three hours. That ought to give a an idea of how much my cousin will be missed.

Out of the "Tickfaw Crew" - descendents of Granny and (great) Aunt L - there was only one person who couldn't make it, and she was delivering a baby. Someone arranged for Cousin G to be flown into Rayville (site of the funeral) in a small chartered plane from Houston, which departed from Monroe (where the grave is) after the graveside. Her Stepfather is in the hospital and not expected to make it, so she wanted to be back asap. Cousin G is the wife of a fireman. I'm not sure where the money came from. That's what my family is like.

Thanks so much to those who expressed condolences. It was hard to see him go, but in a way, I'm glad it's all over. Time to start moving on.

Cousin passed away this afternoon. I'm leaving tomorrow after class for the visitation, staying the night, and skipping work tomorrow for the funeral. Mom's already up there with the babies (who call her Nindy, which is what she once told me she wants her grandchildren to call her - it's what Cousin called her when they were kids. I think she is subconsciously preparing to step in as grandmother, as Cousin's mother is in very, very poor health and losing her husband, a few years ago, nearly killed her.)

I feel a little bit drugged.

Cousin is still hanging on, somehow. He hasn’t eaten in 7 weeks and is on so much morphine that they can’t really increase his dosage again without putting him in a coma.

The 11th Annual Tickfaw Family Reunion (which we host every year around Memorial Day) is probably not going to happen this year. Between Cousin, and Another Cousin’s Stepdad (who has just been hospitalized and is not expecting to make it), my parents don’t think it’s a good idea.

I, on the other hand, can’t think of anything I need more right now than to spend the weekend with fifty or sixty relatives. This is not me being sarcastic – the Tickfaw Reunion is one of the highlights of my year. My mom is probably not up to organizing the whole thing, though, so I understand.

On a completely different note, this is something that made me smile. Here is another, shorter version with some different bits. I saw them both on tv earlier (I watch a lot of Discovery, when I watch tv at all - which reminds me... Discovery has a new channel, Planet Green, which I would very much like.)

Anything else to add? Hmm. Bush was in town yesterday and they shut down the interstate for him and caused unbelievable traffic. We definitely lost business because of it at the bakery.

Current Location: home
Current Music: Boomdiada, Boomdiada

Two exams (five minutes apart) this morning, the latter one having been a monster (that made me nearly cry, because I thought I was prepared for it, and I'm supposed to be good at tests), and now I'm skipping math for the preservation of my sanity and trying to decide if I should go to a funeral tomorrow.

I've never met the woman, but she was the grandmother of my cousin (the one with cancer, who, btw, hasn't eaten in six weeks and is expected to go at any time), the mother of my favorite uncle (who has been dead for eight years, as of this month), great grandmother of my baby cousins who are about to be fatherless - you get the idea. And her husband of sixty-some years is in hospital with inexplicable internal bleeding. >.< She and my aunt never got along - I never heard anything good about her from my aunt, who is the only person who's talked about her since Uncle Harold's death. My parents are both going to the service tomorrow (which requires a 4 hour drive and an overnight stay), and my mom keeps encouraging me to come with them. Brother won't be going, as he has prom tomorrow. I don't know about sister.

I hate funerals -hate them so much that I don't want one of my own. I have been to too many funerals at the Golden Funeral Home in the last few years - the place has horrible, horrible memories for me of all the relatives I've lost in recent years and will be loosing soon. And it will be like having to go to Cousin's funeral twice, because I'll be thinking of him the whole time.

The only reason I would want to go to North Louisiana right now would be to see Cousin (I'm not, honestly, sure if I want to see him the way he is now, and I don't know if my presence would be pleasant or a strain, since he's in so much pain and barely conscious most of the time - he and Mom are really close, but he barely spoke when she went last weekend), and to see his children. If I go up there, I will have to go to the funeral, and may not even get to see Cousin and his children.

I've got a lot of schoolwork to catch/keep up with, too, between the end of the semester approaching and needing to be as prepared as possible to miss a day or two in the coming weeks. Really, though, the long and short of it is I don't want to go. But I really feel like I'm supposed to/ expected to. I don't really expect anyone to have the answer to my dilemma. I think I'm just venting/organizing my thoughts. I am also trying very hard not to start crying in the school library.

Current Mood: horrible
Current Location: school
Current Music: High point of my day was unexpected Chibo Matto on the radio, earlier

I think I'm caught up on my flist, finally. Took a long time, as I've been away from the computer. Granny is better (she was so severely dehydrated and anemic that they had to give her two pints of blood, plus fluids, but she's home now). Cousin is worse. Went through my closet yesterday afternoon looking for dark, dressy things, and got new black dress flats.

I worked all this week, after returning from cousin's. I've gotten too used to working short hours - full 10 hr shifts knocked me flat, and the day before Easter was HELL. Brother bought Smash Bros Brawl, which has been a nice distraction and which meant lots of Brother's friends have come by this week. He's now off for Spring Break (sister and I had off last week) so I expect to see more of them.

Sister and I talked about her plans to marry Practically Brother In Law - She had told him "when I graduate college," but she's just changed her catalog and now has 18 hours left, and he's still deep in school. She's decided "when I graduate college" really means "when I finish grad school," (which sekritly means "when he gets his degree and can support himself" and "when I no longer need Parent's help to pay for things). Sister is wise and wiley.

I think I have enough money saved up to start shopping for a new computer. I'd like to build one, and I've been doing research on exactly that, but I'm terribly nervous. I have successfully installed a hard drive and an optical drive, as well as upgrading video cards and installing a wireless card, so I'm at least passably familiar with the inside of a computer case - familiar enough to know that things can go horribly wrong. I really don't have the money to blow on a mistake, if I somehow screw up and a) damage something or b) buy components that aren't compatible. So, nervous.

That's really about all that's going on, over here. Oh yeah, I can't find my $80 Spanish workbook, a chapter of which is due Wednesday, but that's par for the course. ^_^;

Went to see cousin. He's awful. >.< Hasn't eaten in two weeks, and will be lucky to make it another. The babies know something's wrong and cry pretty much nonstop, now.

Granny was sick, then was better (but not well), and now she's on her way to the hospital because when mom talked to her on the phone she was extremely disoriented.

I got home from the dentist just now (two fillings, ick) to find mom red eyed and cleaning. Not a good sign.

My cousin with colon cancer has gone home from the hospital to die at home. He, his brother, and several of his close friends were going to be coming to the camp to stay for a week, and we were going to go visit and cook for them, but it's been called off now because he can't get out of bed. He's told his brother and friends they have to come anyway, and play golf for him, which I think would be a very, very hard thing to do when someone you are close to could go at any time. He's 35, and he has three children and a wife. His mother lost her husband just a few years ago, and a brother late last year. My spring break is next week. I'm going to be staying with Granny (who is very near his home, as rural standards go, and who is going to be devastated. She's currently got the flu, and bad).

I was going to post all about my weird dream and how well I did on my spanish exam, but none of that seems very important right now.

Current Mood: depressed

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Entries tagged with cancer saga

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The End

Update on the sad stuff, plus something that made me smile

Not a good day

General update

When it rains...

Cousin update

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August 2017

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