My brain is a scary place

[iesika]

After spamming everyone in the middle of the night with my incoherent crossover rec, I (finally) went to bed. Only, I ended up thinking about all of the crazy hypothetical crossovers that live in my head and didn’t fall asleep for a long time.  I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this before (here, anyway), but I play a sort of six (two?) degrees of separation in my head with all my favorite fandoms, and come up with weird ways to mash them together. I used to play The Six Degrees  of Spiderman, connecting comic books , but it got too easy after DC bought, well, everybody, and they did that Planetary/Batman crossover. I can connect nearly everyone through comics I own, now.

Anyway, these are stories that will never be written (by me) (probably), but they live fully formed in my brain and I have a soft spot for them. I decided to restrict my list to HP crossovers, because otherwise it would never end. I repeat: WILL NEVER BE WRITTEN. Anyway, if I'm writing it needs to be Fishes (and we're pretending the Sukisyo fic didn't happen)

The Harry Potter Crossovers That Will Never Be (Outside My Twisted Brain)

 

1.

Snape: He’s hardly older than the students, he doesn’t use a wand, and he dresses like a blind muggle. How is he qualified to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts?

Dumbledore: I was out of options and his grandmother owed me a favor.

Subaru: *is not sure how to handle student insubordination*

Dumbledore: Also, I think she may have wanted him out of the country, for some reason.

 

2.  

a)

Harry: Wow, this dog looks awfully familiar.

Everyone else: Not. Healthy.

b)

Hermione: It was all alone in the back of the store and no one wanted it and he said it had been there for ages!

Ron & Harry: Oh dear sweet Merlin in a fucking tree.

c)

Hagrid: Best. Store. Ever.

 

3.

Persia: Your target is male, British, and really hard to track down. We’re also not sure how he’s killing his victims.

Omi: I met a British guy earlier today!

Victims: *have cheap round glasses and cuts on their foreheads*

Omi: …What a strange coincidence.

 

4.

Harry: Excuse me, can you direct me to the museum? There’s a thousand year old British artifact here on loan that I’d like to see.

Anachronistically young Dick: Sure! Hey, you’re kind of cute. Can I show you around town?

Harry: Maybe later

*Later*

Bruce: Someone has robbed the Gotham City Museum. Strangely, the only thing stolen was a thousand year old artifact on loan from England.

Dick: Fuck!

 

5.

Harry: This doesn’t look like King’s Cross.

Shinigami: Okay, could you stop doing this, please? Seriously, we’re keeping you, next time.


ETA:

6.

Light: You know, it's kind of odd that someone as logical as you came to believe so quickly that Kira could kill by supernatural means.

L: Not at all. I was aware of the existence of magic long before I became involved in this case.

Light: I assume you had some evidence to support this?

L: Well, back when I was a teenager living in England... 

Comments

[starherd.livejournal.com]

...never? *wibbles*

[iesika.livejournal.com]

Which one did you want? I might not write the whole thing, but maybe a little ficlet...Just for you...

(I made the tea muffins. You have to try them! I also mixed some softened butter with some lemon zest and a pinch of raw sugar, and spread that on them, which made them even better)