![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
iesikaI was dreadfully, dreadfully inspired by the How Tim Lost His Virginity challenge. I wrote one Tim/Bernard fic, because I’d been tossing that particular bunny around for a while, and I wanted to write more. Because I love Tim. But it took this form, because I am contrary, and because I have never seen another character spend so much time and effort getting out of potential sexual encounters. I started listing instances in my head, and found even more as I went, and made some up, and the thing snowballed until…well, you’ll see.
(posted without a proper beta,and currently without italics because between Word's unnecessary markup and LJ's crazy formatting issues, they were deleted. I'll fix that when I haven't been staring at a computer for six hours.) ETA: fixed! And I always feel like I use too much italics, but I discovered in editing this that the actual canon dialogue uses way more emphasis than the rest of this. Also, after this one, I give up. All my italics are going to look like /this/ in eljay from now on.
ETA AGAIN: I added four more snippits to this post for the sake of completeness. They were hovering in limbo as their own little post, disconnected from the rest, but I'm collecting all my stuff on one page and thought I might as well fix that problem now. Also, I changed the Cissie bit because I was never quite happy with how it came out. The original version of that one is still down in the comments.
Title: A Study in Self-Denial; or, How Tim Did Not Lose His Virginity
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
iesika
Rating/Warning: Lots of implication, extremely little action.
Characters: Tim Drake. And everyone he’s ever met.
Spoilers/Continuity: Everything from A Lonely Place of Dying through Battle for the Cowl.
Disclaimer: They don’t belong to me… and more-so than usual. Large chunks of dialogue here come directly from the comics.
Summary: See title? A series of ficlets making up a (hopefully) coherent whole.
The signal had only been lit for three and a half minutes, and Tim was almost into position. They didn't always come this way, but at this time of night, it was a good bet. There was a fire escape on the corner up ahead, and he'd gotten some blurry shots from it last month. But tonight, with the new camera he'd gotten for his birthday and the high speed film he'd had to special order, and the moon bright and mostly full overhead--
Something caught Tim's arm, and he stumbled. Tim had been so focused on getting to the corner on time that he hadn't even seen the man until after he'd been grabbed. He'd probably stepped out of the darkened doorway behind him. The man was big - very big. Tim clutched his camera protectively to his chest with his free hand.
"Pretty boy," the man said, "with pretty clothes and a pretty toy... Boy are you in the wrong neighborhood, kid."
"Please," Tim said, tugging against the hold, "I don't have time for this."
"Please," the man mocked. "Come on, kid. Inside. Maybe we'll take some pretty pictures with that fancy camera of yours. And if you scream, I'll slit your goddamned throat."
Tim struck out with his elbow and caught the man in the solar plexus. The blow caused the man to double over, bringing him into a better position for the palm strike that busted his nose all over his face and the kick that put him onto the ground.
Tim was pleasantly surprised that the moves had worked so well. He'd had some trouble getting enough force behind his elbow in class. It was possible adrenaline had given him an edge. He would discuss it with Sensei on Thursday.
He wouldn't be telling Sensei about the swift kick to the crotch he gave the man once he was down, but he'd seen Jason do it several times, and it seemed like an excellent way to discourage a repeat of the man's behavior.
The signal had been lit for almost five minutes now. If they had been responsible for breaking up the bank robbery on Tenth, and they did take this route to Central, he probably had another forty-five seconds to get to the corner.
He only managed to get the one picture, but it came out perfectly.
*
So far, he'd had Dick Grayson's hand on his ass exactly eleven times in the last two hours. Tim had not realized acrobatics training would require quite so much personal contact. If he didn't know better, he'd think Dick was doing it on purpose... but Tim had met Starfire, so he knew the very idea was ridiculous. Nightwing certainly didn't need to be copping a feel off some scrawny teenager.
Unless it was part of some kind of joke. From Dick's point of view, it would probably be very amusing to tease the poor new kid with the obvious crush, make him blush, make him wobble out of his shaky handstand and swing down from the uneven bars.
"Pretty good," Dick said, and slung an absolutely unnecessary arm across Tim's aching shoulders. "You've got a decent natural sense of balance, which is important. That's hard to train in." Dick's hand wandered down Tim's trapezius and back up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck.
Dick had touched him more tonight than anyone else had all year. It had to be deliberate. There was no other explanation.
"Man, you're tense. You're a trooper, kid. You shouldn't have let me work you so hard."
"I have a lot left to learn," Tim said and shrugged.
Dick's hand didn't budge. "Let's hit the showers and I'll give you a rubdown," he suggested.
Tim froze.
Dick must have sensed the shift immediately, because he stepped closer, sliding his hand down over Tim's back. "You okay, little brother?"
Little...
Tim took a breath and shook out his shoulders as he stepped away. "Fine," he said, "just a twinge. You go ahead. I want to warm down a little."
Dick looked at him oddly for a moment before nodding. "Okay," he agreed. "I'll see you upstairs for dinner. Don't touch anything worse than the hand-weights while you don't have a spotter."
Little brother, Tim thought, as he watched Dick head for the showers. It had been teasing, after all.
*
Club Danger was loud and obnoxious and probably the kind of place Dick would feel right at home in. Tim hated it immediately, almost as much as he was starting to hate Shen Chi. When a pretty Chinese girl in a unitard and a leather jacket struck up a conversation with him, Tim jumped at the chance to escape, even if it gave Chi the wrong idea.
"What are you doing in Paris?" she asked, as they strolled down the dark sidewalk. She was holding on to his arm, probably for a feeling of security. She was petite, shorter than Tim even in heels. The neighborhood looked pretty rough, but Tim had seen worse. He wasn't exactly worried for their safety.
"I'm here as a student," he said, which was true enough, "and to see some of the world."
"And you travel alone?"
Tim frowned. "Well," he said, "yeah." That would seem odd to a stranger, wouldn't it? He probably shouldn't mention his dad, and he definitely couldn't mention Bruce, so he had better come up with a good reason to be - the girl stopped walking and tugged on his arm until he turned to face her.
"No girlfriends tagging along?" She asked, and oh boy was that a leading question if he'd ever heard one. "A guy like you must have a girl."
"No, I--" Tim stammered. Okay, apparently Chi's wrong idea had been right. "That is..."
"You're blushing," she said, reaching up. Her fingertips felt cool against his cheek. "That's cute."
"Maybe this isn't a good idea," Tim said. He put his hands on the girl's shoulders and took a step back. "I really should go back and look after Chi."
"He's a big boy," she said, "he can take care of himself. I'm more interested in you. How about that quiet place I talked about?"
How was he going to get out of this without hurting her feelings? Tim swallowed hard. "I don't think..." He was interrupted by a shout from the corner, where a big Chinese guy with a mullet as bad as Shen Chi's stood surrounded by his friends. Tim had never been so happy to see a bunch of guys in matching leather jackets in his life.
*
"Awaken, little bird."
Tim cracked his eyes, then opened them wide. Shiva was sitting on the end of his bed, legs crossed, smiling down at him where he lay curled under the sheets. He made a very undignified noise.
"The time has come," she said. Her smile was really kind of terrifying.
"For what?" Tim asked. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and sat up in bed.
Shiva's smile sharpened "For you to enter a new world," she said.
Tim's body couldn't seem to decide if he was terrified or turned on. His heart was thumping, and there was sweat beginning to bead on his skin. "I - I'm not sure I'm ready for this." He said
Shiva's smile grew mocking. "There's time enough for that later, little bird. Now it is time for your lesson in martial skills."
Oh. "Oh," Tim said. When she just raised her eyebrows at him, he pulled back the sheets and swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Uh, I'll be dressed in a minute," he said, and thanked every god he could think of that the embarrassment had killed his burgeoning erection.
*
"I'm not pretty enough?" Ariana asked
Tim was trying to hold her still, but he really didn't want to touch her anywhere but her shoulders. "That's not--"
"You don't love me enough?"
Oh God - this was as bad as the time she'd dyed her hair because she thought he liked blondes. "I just don't think I'm ready. We're not ready."
"I just wanted--" Ariana said, her voice thick, "I just--" Tears welled up in her eyes. "I just wanted to make you happy."
This was worse than the hair thing. Tim didn't know what to do. Normally, if his girlfriend were crying, he would hug her, but the idea was kind of terrifying considering just how much she wasn't wearing.
She must have seen his indecision and read it correctly, because she pulled away and covered her chest. “Ariana…” Tim said, helplessly.
“I feel so stupid!” she sobbed, turning away. “I didn’t want it to go like this!” She threw herself down on the couch and curled up in a little ball.
Tim stood there for a moment, staring at her. When the shock finally started to wear off, he sat down next to her. “This has something to do with that thing,” he guessed. It had to. She had been weird around him for kind of a while, now.
“What ‘thing’?”
Okay, he was on the right track. “What you didn’t want to tell me about.”
Ariana pushed herself up off the couch and sort of tackled him, all tears and satin and lace. Just as Tim made up his mind to pretend she was wearing actual clothes, she sat up and pulled away. “I didn’t want it to happen. He just – changed. One minute we were just talking. Then—“ She curled in on herself again, and Tim’s heart leapt up into his throat. “He was so much stronger than me – he wouldn’t listen to me.”
Oh Ariana… Tim was back to not knowing what to do. Bruce taught him how to handle assault victims – that part of their job always went to Robin, like the prostitutes and the street kids. It was completely different when the victim was someone he knew. When it was his girlfriend.
“I didn’t do anything to make him react that way,” she said, and at least she knew that, but it sounded like she was reading off bullet points, flat and unemotional despite the tears running down her face. “It wasn’t even a date. I couldn’t stop him. He wouldn’t listen. I felt trapped. Helpless. I just froze. I just wanted to be someone else. I just wanted it to be over.”
She bowed her head, quietly crying into her clenched fists. Tim reached out to her. “Ariana, are you--?”
“It wasn’t my fault,” she said, turning suddenly to face him. “It wasn’t my fault!”
Again, good that she knew that. What the hell was he supposed to be doing? He couldn’t just whip one of Leslie’s cards out of his belt, or hold her hand while they waited for paramedics. He could offer to break her attacker’s face, though she would probably doubt his ability – no, she was collapsing over the arm of the couch. God, she could be hurt. “Shouldn’t you see the police - or a doctor--?
“It didn’t go that far, Tim,” she mumbled into the couch, and Tim abruptly realized he hadn’t really been breathing much for the last five minutes or so. He took a deep breath. “He didn’t hurt me or—I was just scared.” She sat up a little, wiping her eyes. “I’m still so scared.I guess that’s why I did this. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I thought if it was my idea for us to –“
That…actually explained kind of a lot. “Ari…” Tim started. When she wouldn’t look up, Tim caught her shoulder and turned her to face him. “I’m trying to understand what you went through. And I don’t want you to be afraid anymore, but what you were ready to do tonight – well, I’m not ready.”
Ariana looked up at him, wide-eyed. “You don’t love me?”
Okay, this definitely wasn’t the time to get into that. “Sure I love you,” he said. “but even though we have really adult feelings for each other, we’re just kids. Making love is like a doorway. You step through it once and you can never step back,” he took a deep breath and braced himself. He was saying the right stuff, finally. He could tell, just by the look on her face. “And some day I want to step through that door with you. And I want it to be forever.”
Ariana’s eyes welled up again, but this time she looked happy. “Oh Tim… she said, and leaned into the hug he offered. He’d done it. He’d forestalled the disaster, remained the good boyfriend, and now he could find some way to introduce her to Leslie and she could get some actual therapy. This time, when she pressed her lips to his, he kissed her back.
Which was of course when Uncle Vari walked in.
*
"So..." Superboy said, and the exaggerated nonchalance in his voice was enough to make Tim roll his eyes behind his mask. He was lying on his back under a bank of computers the League had left behind, trying to determine just how much upgrading he could do without rebuilding the system.
"So," he said, "what?'
"Any truth to the rumors?"
Well crap. There wasn't much room for additional processors. He could move the optical drives to an external casing - Superboy prodded him gently on the shin. "What rumors?" Tim asked, and hoped this wasn't about Jason.
"The rumors about why a grown man spends all his time hanging out with little boys with no pants on."
Tim bumped his head. "What?" he asked.
"You heard me."
Superboy was right. Tim had heard, he just couldn't believe his ears. It wasn't like Tim had never heard comments like that on the streets, but this was the first time he'd heard it posed as a question by someone in their community. "I wear pants," he said, and hoped he didn't sound as defensive as he felt. Surely no one actually believed...
"Seriously, dude. Has the Bat got a taste for chicken, or what?"
Apparently at least some of them did. Tim bit his tongue before he could make an ill-advised joke about Bruce's obvious preference for pussy. Cats.
"I mean, I'm a modern sort of guy," Superboy was saying, "that kind of thing doesn't bother me. Unless he's, like, taking advantage of you."
"Batman is not taking advantage of me," Tim assured him.
"So you are sleeping with-"
"No," Tim interrupted. "Hand me the T1 TORX driver."
"The what?"
"The smallest star shaped screwdriver. It should be in the third compartment."
"Um..." Tim could hear Superboy digging in the tool chest. "With the red handle?"
Tim reached down between his raised knees. After a moment, the driver was pressed into his palm.
"Have you ever..." Superboy trailed off. He didn't let go of the tool until Tim yanked.
"I told you," Tim began.
"Not with Batman. With...Someone else."
Tim thought for a moment, but couldn't think of a way the information could be used to identify him. "No," he finally said.
"You ever think about it?" Superboy asked. His voice was oddly low, and he sounded hesitant. "With a guy, I mean."
Tim closed his eyes behind his mask. He didn't need to look to know Superboy's hand was hovering just above his left knee. He could feel the warmth of him, even through his uniform. "No," he lied. The hand withdrew. "Hand me the wire-strippers, will you?" He reached down again, conscious of his position in a way he hadn't been before. After a moment, he frowned. "Superboy?"
When he pulled himself out from under the console, Superboy was nowhere to be found.
*
The spar had left them sweating and panting. Tim gulped down a tall glass of whatever electrolyte mixture Bruce and Alfred were experimenting with this week. Either this version tasted better, or he just needed it more than usual. He poured a second glass and handed it to Batgirl. Cass. He really ought to be able to think of her as Cass when she was only wearing a sports-bra and biking shorts.
She dried her face and took the glass with one of her funny little smiles. He wished he knew what they meant. He was going to have to settle for the knowledge he’d actually made her sweat this time, which was kind of heady all by itself.
She was…still smiling at him. Tim raised his eyebrows, and she laughed. “You…like me,” she said, like that explained something.
Tim felt the corner of his mouth twitch. He was never more aware of his facial expressions and body language than when he was with Batgirl. Cass. Cass.
“I am,” she mimed a punch, with typically perfect form. Tim smiled and nodded. “You think…” she smiled “think about sex.”
Tim’s fingers tightened around his glass. He kept his face as still as he could, but doubted it would do any good. He’d thought about it, sure, once or twice. He’d…wondered about her ability to read a person’s body, about her strength and flexibility…
Batgirl was still smiling, but she looked…sad. Regretful. “You are afraid. Of me.”
“No!” Tim said. He set his glass down and reached for her hand, but she pulled it away. She nodded to herself. “Of me,” she repeated, then she frowned, and her shoulder’s slumped. “Of you.”
Tim didn’t know what to say to that. It didn’t seem to matter, though, because Batgirl nodded like he’d said something profound and headed for the showers.
*
Space travel took a lot longer in real life than it did in the movies. It was a little like how he imagined a long car trip would be. Tim has never actually been further than Blüdhaven by car. Back before he was Robin, a lifetime ago, he would take the train to New York on the weekends. Now, there were other ways to get around.
It would probably be easier to stand if he were driving. It was a little unnerving to think that his life was in Bart’s and Lobo’s hands. He wasn’t accomplishing anything by hovering, though, so he headed to the back for a power nap.
Cissie was alone in the bunk room when he opened the door, sitting on the bed on the far left. He joined her without a word and leaned back against the wall, fingers laced behind his head.
“I think you’re the only one that gets it,” Cissie said.
“They’ll come around,” he said. “I think Kon gets it now. Cassie just misses you.”
“And Bart-“
“Is Bart,” Tim finished with her.
“They all visit me, you know.”
“I know,” Tim said.
“You could visit me.” She turned and looked at him.
“I could,” Tim said, “if you want. I…thought it might be awkward.”
“Because I kissed you?”
“Because I’d either have to be Robin, and remind you of all this, or I’d have to be…someone else. You’ve got no reason to want ‘someone else’ visiting you. You’ve never even met him.”
Cissie watched his face for a long moment. “Take off your mask,” she finally said.
Tim did.
“Hi,” Cissie said. “I’m Cissie.”
Tim smiled and offered his hand. “Alvin Draper.”
“So, Al,” Cissie said. She still hadn’t let go of his hand. “Come here often?”
"The deepest reaches of space?" Tim said. "Sure, all the time."
Cissie laughed. "Bet your girlfriend misses you..." She said, obviously angling.
Tim dropped her hand. "Actually, she was very understanding about my missing Lamaze class to go save the universe."
Cissie blinked at him. "What?"
*
"I appreciate the gentleman thing," Steph said, "but it's not exactly necessary."
Tim grinned and leaned a little farther into Steph's open window. "I know you can take care of yourself, but if I hadn't dropped you home, I wouldn't have gotten that goodnight kiss, now would I?"
Steph smiled and pushed away from the window frame. She backed into the room, pulling her gloves off as she went. Her cloak and cowl were already in a pile by the window. "That isn't exactly what I meant."
Tim swallowed hard. "Oh?"
"I meant," she said as she unfastened her belt, "that you have to have noticed that my mom isn't home tonight."
"Uh..." Tim said. Steph's uniform really looked kind of naked without her gear.
"We've been seeing each other for kind of a long time, but you've never really made a move. It's been months since the baby. I promise everything is all back to normal down there, if that's what's got you looking all panicked." She switched her hips and gave a little wiggle that he was going to get out of his head approximately never.
"Steph..." he said, and trailed off.
"If you were just waiting for that, or maybe a sign that I'm interested - well, I've been interested since, like, before I knew your name. But I could totally understand why you weren't making passes when I was pretty much the same size as Giganta... say something, boyfriend."
"Even at nine months, I don't think you were quite big enough to knock over buildings."
Steph laughed and sat down on her bed. "Freak. Maybe I meant do something, 'cuz what I really want is for you to climb in that damned window and--"
"Steph," Tim said, "I really ought to get some sleep before class."
"You ought to--"
"Steph," Tim said again, then paused. This was Steph, and he shouldn't even try to bullshit her. "I really, really like you, and I think you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."
Steph yanked off a boot and wiggled her toes in her sock. "Pssh," she scoffed. "You've worked with Wonder Woman--"
"-who doesn't smile like you do."
Steph dropped the boot and stared at him, her eyes wide.
"I need you to be patient with me. This is one of those things I'm kind of...well, a freak about."
"I - Yeah," Steph said, still wide-eyed. "Okay. Patient. Absolutely."
*
“Do you take the mask off when you’re fucking?”
Tim froze, grapple in hand, and turned to stare at the young man he’d just rescued.
He hadn’t set out to rescue him, tonight. There had been a case with a corrupt city councilman and several dead hustlers, and when the shit had hit the fan back at the hotel, Robin had been forced to haul the kid’s ass out of the fire. Again.
“I mean okay if that’s your kink or whatever, but those white eyes would be kind of creepy looking down at you.”
“Go into the clinic,” Tim said.
“Nah, I feel fine. Want me to show you how fine?”
“You are under the influence of three different controlled substances. You should go inside and tell Dr. Thompkins exactly what you took and when.”
“Or we could go over behind that dumpster and I could thank you for saving my sweet – mmph,” he said, the last word muffled by Tim’s gauntlet.
“Listen to me carefully. I am going to ignore everything you just said if you stop now and never bring the subject up again. Now if you don’t go inside immediately and get medical attention, I will knock you unconscious and drag you in there myself. Understood?”
Snuffy nodded.
Sometimes, Tim thought as he watched the boy stumble into the clinic, these nights were worse than the supervillains.
*
"...So, you seemed like the obvious choice! I mean, you're smart and I find you attractive and you always know what you're doing and you're the best teacher ever except maybe Max but I'm not going to think about that thought right now, and you're more patient with me that almost anybody and-"
"Bart," Tim interrupted when he'd recovered from his shock.
Bart seemed to read something in his face, because he frowned and zipped into the chair opposite Tim's. "The books aren't enough," he said earnestly.
"I understand," Tim said. "But there's a flaw in your reasoning."
Bart stopped thrumming and grabbed the edge of the chair. "Tell me."
"I've never had sex, either."
*
When Bernard leaned closer, Tim turned his face away. "I really do have a girlfriend," he said, even though he didn't, anymore.
*
Tim was failing. He was failing Kon and he was failing himself. Ninety seven attempts and the best he'd managed so far was three divisions - eight cells - before detectable deterioration had set in. And he had been unable to reproduce even that level of success.
Tim sighed and sat down on the end of his bed, head-in-hand. He had just enough time to register movement behind himself before he was being wrestled to the bed. He probably would have gotten the upper hand if he hadn't been so shocked by the identity of his attacker, and her state of dress. Undress.
As it was, he couldn't figure out where to put his hands.
Because Rose was pinning him to the bed, and she was naked. "I've been waiting all night," she purred, and kissed him. Or tried to. When he remained unresponsive, she bit his lip.
Tim managed to grab her wandering hands and shove her back a few inches. "Rose!?" he growled, "what are you doing?"
She grinned down at him. "Having fun."
They grappled for a few seconds, until Tim lost control of Rose's left hand. "What," he bit out, "are you doing in my bed?"
She laughed and started fumbling with his uniform. "Trying to take off your utility belt."
Okay, now he really needed to stop her, before she hurt herself. "Have you been drinking again?" Tim asked.
Rose's grin widened. "Maybe." She gave up on the belt when he grabbed her wrists, and moved her hands lower - only to frown when she felt how much armor he was wearing. "Just give me a try," she said through her pout.
Tim put as much Robin into his voice as he could. "I'm giving you a try as a teammate."
"I was hoping we could be buddies," she said. She grinned again, then licked her lips. She really was ridiculously strong for her size. He was going to have to treat this as a spar, rather than a wrestling match. He went limp for a moment, and then drove himself up and off the bed.
He had her pinned in two moves. "Teammates is as far as it's going, Rose," he said as he ratcheted the cuffs tight around her wrists. Now he had to figure out how to restrain her legs without letting her out of the pin. He could probably hold her with a knee to the back, and use the sheets to--
The alarm. Someone was in the Tower. In the War Room. Would Rose -- Someone was outside his door. Kid Devil was opening his door.
"Robin!" Eddie shouted, "Someone's in the tow-" His eyes grew wide. "Er? Hot damn."
"It's not what it looks like," Tim growled.
"Yes it is," Rose said.
Tim just squared his shoulders and headed for the door. He was aware that he was grinding his jaw, but he couldn't seem to stop. "Rose," he said through his teeth as he pushed past Eddie into the hall, "put some clothes on."
She could get out of the cuffs her own damned self.
*
Zoanne leaned across the study table, physics homework forgotten. “I can’t believe you’ve seen Comedic Comedy and Exploding Explosions, but you’ve never seen Horrific Horror,” she said. “It started the whole franchise!”
Tim grinned ruefully and closed his textbook. “I was out of the country when it came out.” Actually, he’d been on another planet, with Young Justice. “I guess I just never got around to renting it.”
When he was with Dick, they watched kung-fu thrillers and old classics. And his friends… Cissie and Cassie had quoted Comedic Comedy for weeks, and Kon had secretly loved Romantic Romance, though Tim was pretty sure he was the only one who knew that. They had all watched Exploding Explosions over and over – it was kind of hilariously like their lives. But when Horrific Horror had come out on video, and they had all sat down to watch it together…Greta had hidden her face in a pillow, and Bart had kept covering his eyes, or running out of the room, or, finally, both at once, which had resulted in splintered wood and plaster dust and a possible concussion.
Kon had been furious. His spot on the couch between Cissie and Cassie had become completely useless when they’d switched over to Wendy reruns. “Horror movies,” he’d told Tim later, “are absolutely the best way to get a girl into your lap…arms around you, holding you tight…”
“I’ve got it on DVD,” Zoanne said. “We should watch it some time.” She grinned, suddenly. “We should watch it tonight! Are you busy?”
Tim sat up straight. “No, I - I’d love to. Do you want to come to my place, or…”
“We should go to mine,” Zoanne said as she started loading her bag. “Dad went to Metropolis for a conference, and he took Mom with him. We’ll have the place to ourselves. We can watch it on the big TV in the den.”
“Okay, Tim said. “We can order a pizza, or – oh, that Thai place you like delivers, doesn’t it? I’ll treat.”
“Mmm…spicy noodles, a scary movie, and a big strong guy to protect me.” Zoanne stood up and slung her bag over her shoulder. “Let me dump some of this at my locker. I’ll meet you up front?
“Sure,” Tim said, grinning. “See you in a few.”
Zoanne smiled at him over her shoulder as she left the library. Tim sighed happily.
Then his phone rang.
*
He heard the door open just as he was pulling his shirt over his head. He’d left it unlocked just in case Cassie decided to swing by tonight, and it looked like she had. “Hey,” she said from the doorway, “did you notice M’Gann didn’t say a single thing at the meeting today? She wasn’t herself in the slightest.”
That wasn’t exactly what he’d expected her to come talk about. “I— Cassie, where have you been all day? Your phone’s been off since the meeting, and I’m heading out early tomorrow for Gotham. I was kinda hoping you and I could—“ Cassie walked right past him, toward the bed. “Hello?”
She sat down on the far side of the bed and tapped the sheets with her hand. “Come here”
Tim sat down and put an arm around her back. “You know, I was starting to think I wouldn’t get to see you again until next weekend.” He leaned in for a kiss, only to be stopped with a hand to his chest.
“Hang on. Remember at dinner, I said I had something to say to you?”
Tim backed off a little. He felt his face fall into something soft and sad. “About Conner.”
“Yeah,” Cassie said. She pulled her hand back into her lap. “Ever since he died…It’s been the most trying and painful time of my life. Nothing else comes even remotely close. For a while, I constantly ached—physically ached—over loosing him. I still miss him. A lot.”
Tim bowed his head. He didn’t have to tell her that he felt the same.
“But, like I said yesterday…” she broke off. When Tim looked up at her face, he realized she was crying. “…I’ve come to accept he’s gone,” she finished. “Conner isn’t coming back.”
“Hey,” Tim said, reaching out to wipe her tears. “It’s okay—:
“Tim,” she said, pulling away, “please let me say this. What I said to Kara yesterday I said because…If I’m going to get over Conner, I need to do it without anyone taking his place.”
“You’re…you’re breaking up with me.” Tim said. It felt like exactly the wrong kind of epiphany, that moment when you realized just what an idiot you were, how badly you’d screwed up- “Stupid—“ he said. “I’m supposed to be some kind of detective!” He jumped to his feet, unable to sit still any longer. “How did I not see this coming? I thought we were—I thought you were going to tell me—Wow, did I misread that one.”
“I’m sorry, Tim,” Cassie pushed off of the bed and stood. When he backed toward the window, she just followed him, “ I know that so much is weighing on you lately, and I don’t mean to add to it, but—“
He shouldn’t be so angry. Cassie was his friend. But there was more at stake here than just their friendship. The glimpse they’d gotten of their futures – They had to do everything in their power to make sure they didn’t become those people. “Did you think for one second about the bigger picture, Cassie? If we stay together, we avoid that bleak future.”
Cassie stared at him in shock. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just suggest I’m being selfish by breaking up with you. I mean, get a grip, Tim, we were barely even going out!”
“I didn’t –“ Tim started. She didn’t understand. “What I was—“
“Seriously—“ she interrupted, “if that’s all this relationship boiled down to for you? Stacking the odds for the “good of mankind”…?” When he didn’t say anything, a look of disgust flashed across her face. “You can’t control everything, Robin,” she said as she stormed out of his room. “And you sure as heck can’t control me.”
*
They had both known, of course, but it had never been put into words. It had seemed obvious to Tim that Bruce was becoming more and more attracted to him as he grew into an adult, and he'd have been an idiot if he'd thought he'd be able to hide his own feelings from Bruce, so Tim hadn't even tried. He'd also have been an idiot to think anything would come of it while he was Robin. Bruce was his mentor. Tim was his student, and a minor at that. The balance of power was too skewed, the consequences of failure were too dire, and Bruce was entirely too honorable. Sometimes, though, Tim would think about the future. He knew he wouldn't be Robin forever. He wouldn't always be the junior partner, standing in Batman's shadow. One day, Tim would wear a different suit, and they would be equals.
Well, he's wearing a different suit now, one he never, ever wanted, but he's still not standing as Bruce’s equal. And now he won't ever get that chance.
That the suit had been there, though - sized and weighted and outfitted just for him - said a lot about Bruce's estimation of his skills. That was the only way he could even do this...Because he wasn't as good as Bruce, but the suit meant Bruce had thought he was good enough. And maybe if he was good enough for the suit, he'd have been good enough for other things, if he'd ever dared to try. But there was no use dwelling on missed opportunities.
Batman had work to do.
END.
Author’s note: The story was due today, but it’s not exactly done, because I’ve got at least – AT LEAST – six more characters I want to throw in here, but I sort of ran out of time, and I couldn’t find some issues I wanted for reference. So more will be coming later, injected into the middle, missing scene style. I guess I’ll repost when I get those six?
Also, as a little challenge – if anyone (first responder only) can correctly identify which scenes came from canon and which I totally made up, I will write an additional ficlet with the (DC) character of your choice. And if anyone knows of more near-misses from canon (I've already got Darla on the to-be-added list), let me know!
(posted without a proper beta,
ETA AGAIN: I added four more snippits to this post for the sake of completeness. They were hovering in limbo as their own little post, disconnected from the rest, but I'm collecting all my stuff on one page and thought I might as well fix that problem now. Also, I changed the Cissie bit because I was never quite happy with how it came out. The original version of that one is still down in the comments.
Title: A Study in Self-Denial; or, How Tim Did Not Lose His Virginity
Author:
iesika Rating/Warning: Lots of implication, extremely little action.
Characters: Tim Drake. And everyone he’s ever met.
Spoilers/Continuity: Everything from A Lonely Place of Dying through Battle for the Cowl.
Disclaimer: They don’t belong to me… and more-so than usual. Large chunks of dialogue here come directly from the comics.
Summary: See title? A series of ficlets making up a (hopefully) coherent whole.
The signal had only been lit for three and a half minutes, and Tim was almost into position. They didn't always come this way, but at this time of night, it was a good bet. There was a fire escape on the corner up ahead, and he'd gotten some blurry shots from it last month. But tonight, with the new camera he'd gotten for his birthday and the high speed film he'd had to special order, and the moon bright and mostly full overhead--
Something caught Tim's arm, and he stumbled. Tim had been so focused on getting to the corner on time that he hadn't even seen the man until after he'd been grabbed. He'd probably stepped out of the darkened doorway behind him. The man was big - very big. Tim clutched his camera protectively to his chest with his free hand.
"Pretty boy," the man said, "with pretty clothes and a pretty toy... Boy are you in the wrong neighborhood, kid."
"Please," Tim said, tugging against the hold, "I don't have time for this."
"Please," the man mocked. "Come on, kid. Inside. Maybe we'll take some pretty pictures with that fancy camera of yours. And if you scream, I'll slit your goddamned throat."
Tim struck out with his elbow and caught the man in the solar plexus. The blow caused the man to double over, bringing him into a better position for the palm strike that busted his nose all over his face and the kick that put him onto the ground.
Tim was pleasantly surprised that the moves had worked so well. He'd had some trouble getting enough force behind his elbow in class. It was possible adrenaline had given him an edge. He would discuss it with Sensei on Thursday.
He wouldn't be telling Sensei about the swift kick to the crotch he gave the man once he was down, but he'd seen Jason do it several times, and it seemed like an excellent way to discourage a repeat of the man's behavior.
The signal had been lit for almost five minutes now. If they had been responsible for breaking up the bank robbery on Tenth, and they did take this route to Central, he probably had another forty-five seconds to get to the corner.
He only managed to get the one picture, but it came out perfectly.
*
So far, he'd had Dick Grayson's hand on his ass exactly eleven times in the last two hours. Tim had not realized acrobatics training would require quite so much personal contact. If he didn't know better, he'd think Dick was doing it on purpose... but Tim had met Starfire, so he knew the very idea was ridiculous. Nightwing certainly didn't need to be copping a feel off some scrawny teenager.
Unless it was part of some kind of joke. From Dick's point of view, it would probably be very amusing to tease the poor new kid with the obvious crush, make him blush, make him wobble out of his shaky handstand and swing down from the uneven bars.
"Pretty good," Dick said, and slung an absolutely unnecessary arm across Tim's aching shoulders. "You've got a decent natural sense of balance, which is important. That's hard to train in." Dick's hand wandered down Tim's trapezius and back up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck.
Dick had touched him more tonight than anyone else had all year. It had to be deliberate. There was no other explanation.
"Man, you're tense. You're a trooper, kid. You shouldn't have let me work you so hard."
"I have a lot left to learn," Tim said and shrugged.
Dick's hand didn't budge. "Let's hit the showers and I'll give you a rubdown," he suggested.
Tim froze.
Dick must have sensed the shift immediately, because he stepped closer, sliding his hand down over Tim's back. "You okay, little brother?"
Little...
Tim took a breath and shook out his shoulders as he stepped away. "Fine," he said, "just a twinge. You go ahead. I want to warm down a little."
Dick looked at him oddly for a moment before nodding. "Okay," he agreed. "I'll see you upstairs for dinner. Don't touch anything worse than the hand-weights while you don't have a spotter."
Little brother, Tim thought, as he watched Dick head for the showers. It had been teasing, after all.
*
Club Danger was loud and obnoxious and probably the kind of place Dick would feel right at home in. Tim hated it immediately, almost as much as he was starting to hate Shen Chi. When a pretty Chinese girl in a unitard and a leather jacket struck up a conversation with him, Tim jumped at the chance to escape, even if it gave Chi the wrong idea.
"What are you doing in Paris?" she asked, as they strolled down the dark sidewalk. She was holding on to his arm, probably for a feeling of security. She was petite, shorter than Tim even in heels. The neighborhood looked pretty rough, but Tim had seen worse. He wasn't exactly worried for their safety.
"I'm here as a student," he said, which was true enough, "and to see some of the world."
"And you travel alone?"
Tim frowned. "Well," he said, "yeah." That would seem odd to a stranger, wouldn't it? He probably shouldn't mention his dad, and he definitely couldn't mention Bruce, so he had better come up with a good reason to be - the girl stopped walking and tugged on his arm until he turned to face her.
"No girlfriends tagging along?" She asked, and oh boy was that a leading question if he'd ever heard one. "A guy like you must have a girl."
"No, I--" Tim stammered. Okay, apparently Chi's wrong idea had been right. "That is..."
"You're blushing," she said, reaching up. Her fingertips felt cool against his cheek. "That's cute."
"Maybe this isn't a good idea," Tim said. He put his hands on the girl's shoulders and took a step back. "I really should go back and look after Chi."
"He's a big boy," she said, "he can take care of himself. I'm more interested in you. How about that quiet place I talked about?"
How was he going to get out of this without hurting her feelings? Tim swallowed hard. "I don't think..." He was interrupted by a shout from the corner, where a big Chinese guy with a mullet as bad as Shen Chi's stood surrounded by his friends. Tim had never been so happy to see a bunch of guys in matching leather jackets in his life.
*
"Awaken, little bird."
Tim cracked his eyes, then opened them wide. Shiva was sitting on the end of his bed, legs crossed, smiling down at him where he lay curled under the sheets. He made a very undignified noise.
"The time has come," she said. Her smile was really kind of terrifying.
"For what?" Tim asked. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and sat up in bed.
Shiva's smile sharpened "For you to enter a new world," she said.
Tim's body couldn't seem to decide if he was terrified or turned on. His heart was thumping, and there was sweat beginning to bead on his skin. "I - I'm not sure I'm ready for this." He said
Shiva's smile grew mocking. "There's time enough for that later, little bird. Now it is time for your lesson in martial skills."
Oh. "Oh," Tim said. When she just raised her eyebrows at him, he pulled back the sheets and swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Uh, I'll be dressed in a minute," he said, and thanked every god he could think of that the embarrassment had killed his burgeoning erection.
*
"I'm not pretty enough?" Ariana asked
Tim was trying to hold her still, but he really didn't want to touch her anywhere but her shoulders. "That's not--"
"You don't love me enough?"
Oh God - this was as bad as the time she'd dyed her hair because she thought he liked blondes. "I just don't think I'm ready. We're not ready."
"I just wanted--" Ariana said, her voice thick, "I just--" Tears welled up in her eyes. "I just wanted to make you happy."
This was worse than the hair thing. Tim didn't know what to do. Normally, if his girlfriend were crying, he would hug her, but the idea was kind of terrifying considering just how much she wasn't wearing.
She must have seen his indecision and read it correctly, because she pulled away and covered her chest. “Ariana…” Tim said, helplessly.
“I feel so stupid!” she sobbed, turning away. “I didn’t want it to go like this!” She threw herself down on the couch and curled up in a little ball.
Tim stood there for a moment, staring at her. When the shock finally started to wear off, he sat down next to her. “This has something to do with that thing,” he guessed. It had to. She had been weird around him for kind of a while, now.
“What ‘thing’?”
Okay, he was on the right track. “What you didn’t want to tell me about.”
Ariana pushed herself up off the couch and sort of tackled him, all tears and satin and lace. Just as Tim made up his mind to pretend she was wearing actual clothes, she sat up and pulled away. “I didn’t want it to happen. He just – changed. One minute we were just talking. Then—“ She curled in on herself again, and Tim’s heart leapt up into his throat. “He was so much stronger than me – he wouldn’t listen to me.”
Oh Ariana… Tim was back to not knowing what to do. Bruce taught him how to handle assault victims – that part of their job always went to Robin, like the prostitutes and the street kids. It was completely different when the victim was someone he knew. When it was his girlfriend.
“I didn’t do anything to make him react that way,” she said, and at least she knew that, but it sounded like she was reading off bullet points, flat and unemotional despite the tears running down her face. “It wasn’t even a date. I couldn’t stop him. He wouldn’t listen. I felt trapped. Helpless. I just froze. I just wanted to be someone else. I just wanted it to be over.”
She bowed her head, quietly crying into her clenched fists. Tim reached out to her. “Ariana, are you--?”
“It wasn’t my fault,” she said, turning suddenly to face him. “It wasn’t my fault!”
Again, good that she knew that. What the hell was he supposed to be doing? He couldn’t just whip one of Leslie’s cards out of his belt, or hold her hand while they waited for paramedics. He could offer to break her attacker’s face, though she would probably doubt his ability – no, she was collapsing over the arm of the couch. God, she could be hurt. “Shouldn’t you see the police - or a doctor--?
“It didn’t go that far, Tim,” she mumbled into the couch, and Tim abruptly realized he hadn’t really been breathing much for the last five minutes or so. He took a deep breath. “He didn’t hurt me or—I was just scared.” She sat up a little, wiping her eyes. “I’m still so scared.I guess that’s why I did this. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I thought if it was my idea for us to –“
That…actually explained kind of a lot. “Ari…” Tim started. When she wouldn’t look up, Tim caught her shoulder and turned her to face him. “I’m trying to understand what you went through. And I don’t want you to be afraid anymore, but what you were ready to do tonight – well, I’m not ready.”
Ariana looked up at him, wide-eyed. “You don’t love me?”
Okay, this definitely wasn’t the time to get into that. “Sure I love you,” he said. “but even though we have really adult feelings for each other, we’re just kids. Making love is like a doorway. You step through it once and you can never step back,” he took a deep breath and braced himself. He was saying the right stuff, finally. He could tell, just by the look on her face. “And some day I want to step through that door with you. And I want it to be forever.”
Ariana’s eyes welled up again, but this time she looked happy. “Oh Tim… she said, and leaned into the hug he offered. He’d done it. He’d forestalled the disaster, remained the good boyfriend, and now he could find some way to introduce her to Leslie and she could get some actual therapy. This time, when she pressed her lips to his, he kissed her back.
Which was of course when Uncle Vari walked in.
*
"So..." Superboy said, and the exaggerated nonchalance in his voice was enough to make Tim roll his eyes behind his mask. He was lying on his back under a bank of computers the League had left behind, trying to determine just how much upgrading he could do without rebuilding the system.
"So," he said, "what?'
"Any truth to the rumors?"
Well crap. There wasn't much room for additional processors. He could move the optical drives to an external casing - Superboy prodded him gently on the shin. "What rumors?" Tim asked, and hoped this wasn't about Jason.
"The rumors about why a grown man spends all his time hanging out with little boys with no pants on."
Tim bumped his head. "What?" he asked.
"You heard me."
Superboy was right. Tim had heard, he just couldn't believe his ears. It wasn't like Tim had never heard comments like that on the streets, but this was the first time he'd heard it posed as a question by someone in their community. "I wear pants," he said, and hoped he didn't sound as defensive as he felt. Surely no one actually believed...
"Seriously, dude. Has the Bat got a taste for chicken, or what?"
Apparently at least some of them did. Tim bit his tongue before he could make an ill-advised joke about Bruce's obvious preference for pussy. Cats.
"I mean, I'm a modern sort of guy," Superboy was saying, "that kind of thing doesn't bother me. Unless he's, like, taking advantage of you."
"Batman is not taking advantage of me," Tim assured him.
"So you are sleeping with-"
"No," Tim interrupted. "Hand me the T1 TORX driver."
"The what?"
"The smallest star shaped screwdriver. It should be in the third compartment."
"Um..." Tim could hear Superboy digging in the tool chest. "With the red handle?"
Tim reached down between his raised knees. After a moment, the driver was pressed into his palm.
"Have you ever..." Superboy trailed off. He didn't let go of the tool until Tim yanked.
"I told you," Tim began.
"Not with Batman. With...Someone else."
Tim thought for a moment, but couldn't think of a way the information could be used to identify him. "No," he finally said.
"You ever think about it?" Superboy asked. His voice was oddly low, and he sounded hesitant. "With a guy, I mean."
Tim closed his eyes behind his mask. He didn't need to look to know Superboy's hand was hovering just above his left knee. He could feel the warmth of him, even through his uniform. "No," he lied. The hand withdrew. "Hand me the wire-strippers, will you?" He reached down again, conscious of his position in a way he hadn't been before. After a moment, he frowned. "Superboy?"
When he pulled himself out from under the console, Superboy was nowhere to be found.
*
The spar had left them sweating and panting. Tim gulped down a tall glass of whatever electrolyte mixture Bruce and Alfred were experimenting with this week. Either this version tasted better, or he just needed it more than usual. He poured a second glass and handed it to Batgirl. Cass. He really ought to be able to think of her as Cass when she was only wearing a sports-bra and biking shorts.
She dried her face and took the glass with one of her funny little smiles. He wished he knew what they meant. He was going to have to settle for the knowledge he’d actually made her sweat this time, which was kind of heady all by itself.
She was…still smiling at him. Tim raised his eyebrows, and she laughed. “You…like me,” she said, like that explained something.
Tim felt the corner of his mouth twitch. He was never more aware of his facial expressions and body language than when he was with Batgirl. Cass. Cass.
“I am,” she mimed a punch, with typically perfect form. Tim smiled and nodded. “You think…” she smiled “think about sex.”
Tim’s fingers tightened around his glass. He kept his face as still as he could, but doubted it would do any good. He’d thought about it, sure, once or twice. He’d…wondered about her ability to read a person’s body, about her strength and flexibility…
Batgirl was still smiling, but she looked…sad. Regretful. “You are afraid. Of me.”
“No!” Tim said. He set his glass down and reached for her hand, but she pulled it away. She nodded to herself. “Of me,” she repeated, then she frowned, and her shoulder’s slumped. “Of you.”
Tim didn’t know what to say to that. It didn’t seem to matter, though, because Batgirl nodded like he’d said something profound and headed for the showers.
*
Space travel took a lot longer in real life than it did in the movies. It was a little like how he imagined a long car trip would be. Tim has never actually been further than Blüdhaven by car. Back before he was Robin, a lifetime ago, he would take the train to New York on the weekends. Now, there were other ways to get around.
It would probably be easier to stand if he were driving. It was a little unnerving to think that his life was in Bart’s and Lobo’s hands. He wasn’t accomplishing anything by hovering, though, so he headed to the back for a power nap.
Cissie was alone in the bunk room when he opened the door, sitting on the bed on the far left. He joined her without a word and leaned back against the wall, fingers laced behind his head.
“I think you’re the only one that gets it,” Cissie said.
“They’ll come around,” he said. “I think Kon gets it now. Cassie just misses you.”
“And Bart-“
“Is Bart,” Tim finished with her.
“They all visit me, you know.”
“I know,” Tim said.
“You could visit me.” She turned and looked at him.
“I could,” Tim said, “if you want. I…thought it might be awkward.”
“Because I kissed you?”
“Because I’d either have to be Robin, and remind you of all this, or I’d have to be…someone else. You’ve got no reason to want ‘someone else’ visiting you. You’ve never even met him.”
Cissie watched his face for a long moment. “Take off your mask,” she finally said.
Tim did.
“Hi,” Cissie said. “I’m Cissie.”
Tim smiled and offered his hand. “Alvin Draper.”
“So, Al,” Cissie said. She still hadn’t let go of his hand. “Come here often?”
"The deepest reaches of space?" Tim said. "Sure, all the time."
Cissie laughed. "Bet your girlfriend misses you..." She said, obviously angling.
Tim dropped her hand. "Actually, she was very understanding about my missing Lamaze class to go save the universe."
Cissie blinked at him. "What?"
*
"I appreciate the gentleman thing," Steph said, "but it's not exactly necessary."
Tim grinned and leaned a little farther into Steph's open window. "I know you can take care of yourself, but if I hadn't dropped you home, I wouldn't have gotten that goodnight kiss, now would I?"
Steph smiled and pushed away from the window frame. She backed into the room, pulling her gloves off as she went. Her cloak and cowl were already in a pile by the window. "That isn't exactly what I meant."
Tim swallowed hard. "Oh?"
"I meant," she said as she unfastened her belt, "that you have to have noticed that my mom isn't home tonight."
"Uh..." Tim said. Steph's uniform really looked kind of naked without her gear.
"We've been seeing each other for kind of a long time, but you've never really made a move. It's been months since the baby. I promise everything is all back to normal down there, if that's what's got you looking all panicked." She switched her hips and gave a little wiggle that he was going to get out of his head approximately never.
"Steph..." he said, and trailed off.
"If you were just waiting for that, or maybe a sign that I'm interested - well, I've been interested since, like, before I knew your name. But I could totally understand why you weren't making passes when I was pretty much the same size as Giganta... say something, boyfriend."
"Even at nine months, I don't think you were quite big enough to knock over buildings."
Steph laughed and sat down on her bed. "Freak. Maybe I meant do something, 'cuz what I really want is for you to climb in that damned window and--"
"Steph," Tim said, "I really ought to get some sleep before class."
"You ought to--"
"Steph," Tim said again, then paused. This was Steph, and he shouldn't even try to bullshit her. "I really, really like you, and I think you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."
Steph yanked off a boot and wiggled her toes in her sock. "Pssh," she scoffed. "You've worked with Wonder Woman--"
"-who doesn't smile like you do."
Steph dropped the boot and stared at him, her eyes wide.
"I need you to be patient with me. This is one of those things I'm kind of...well, a freak about."
"I - Yeah," Steph said, still wide-eyed. "Okay. Patient. Absolutely."
*
“Do you take the mask off when you’re fucking?”
Tim froze, grapple in hand, and turned to stare at the young man he’d just rescued.
He hadn’t set out to rescue him, tonight. There had been a case with a corrupt city councilman and several dead hustlers, and when the shit had hit the fan back at the hotel, Robin had been forced to haul the kid’s ass out of the fire. Again.
“I mean okay if that’s your kink or whatever, but those white eyes would be kind of creepy looking down at you.”
“Go into the clinic,” Tim said.
“Nah, I feel fine. Want me to show you how fine?”
“You are under the influence of three different controlled substances. You should go inside and tell Dr. Thompkins exactly what you took and when.”
“Or we could go over behind that dumpster and I could thank you for saving my sweet – mmph,” he said, the last word muffled by Tim’s gauntlet.
“Listen to me carefully. I am going to ignore everything you just said if you stop now and never bring the subject up again. Now if you don’t go inside immediately and get medical attention, I will knock you unconscious and drag you in there myself. Understood?”
Snuffy nodded.
Sometimes, Tim thought as he watched the boy stumble into the clinic, these nights were worse than the supervillains.
*
"...So, you seemed like the obvious choice! I mean, you're smart and I find you attractive and you always know what you're doing and you're the best teacher ever except maybe Max but I'm not going to think about that thought right now, and you're more patient with me that almost anybody and-"
"Bart," Tim interrupted when he'd recovered from his shock.
Bart seemed to read something in his face, because he frowned and zipped into the chair opposite Tim's. "The books aren't enough," he said earnestly.
"I understand," Tim said. "But there's a flaw in your reasoning."
Bart stopped thrumming and grabbed the edge of the chair. "Tell me."
"I've never had sex, either."
*
When Bernard leaned closer, Tim turned his face away. "I really do have a girlfriend," he said, even though he didn't, anymore.
*
Tim was failing. He was failing Kon and he was failing himself. Ninety seven attempts and the best he'd managed so far was three divisions - eight cells - before detectable deterioration had set in. And he had been unable to reproduce even that level of success.
Tim sighed and sat down on the end of his bed, head-in-hand. He had just enough time to register movement behind himself before he was being wrestled to the bed. He probably would have gotten the upper hand if he hadn't been so shocked by the identity of his attacker, and her state of dress. Undress.
As it was, he couldn't figure out where to put his hands.
Because Rose was pinning him to the bed, and she was naked. "I've been waiting all night," she purred, and kissed him. Or tried to. When he remained unresponsive, she bit his lip.
Tim managed to grab her wandering hands and shove her back a few inches. "Rose!?" he growled, "what are you doing?"
She grinned down at him. "Having fun."
They grappled for a few seconds, until Tim lost control of Rose's left hand. "What," he bit out, "are you doing in my bed?"
She laughed and started fumbling with his uniform. "Trying to take off your utility belt."
Okay, now he really needed to stop her, before she hurt herself. "Have you been drinking again?" Tim asked.
Rose's grin widened. "Maybe." She gave up on the belt when he grabbed her wrists, and moved her hands lower - only to frown when she felt how much armor he was wearing. "Just give me a try," she said through her pout.
Tim put as much Robin into his voice as he could. "I'm giving you a try as a teammate."
"I was hoping we could be buddies," she said. She grinned again, then licked her lips. She really was ridiculously strong for her size. He was going to have to treat this as a spar, rather than a wrestling match. He went limp for a moment, and then drove himself up and off the bed.
He had her pinned in two moves. "Teammates is as far as it's going, Rose," he said as he ratcheted the cuffs tight around her wrists. Now he had to figure out how to restrain her legs without letting her out of the pin. He could probably hold her with a knee to the back, and use the sheets to--
The alarm. Someone was in the Tower. In the War Room. Would Rose -- Someone was outside his door. Kid Devil was opening his door.
"Robin!" Eddie shouted, "Someone's in the tow-" His eyes grew wide. "Er? Hot damn."
"It's not what it looks like," Tim growled.
"Yes it is," Rose said.
Tim just squared his shoulders and headed for the door. He was aware that he was grinding his jaw, but he couldn't seem to stop. "Rose," he said through his teeth as he pushed past Eddie into the hall, "put some clothes on."
She could get out of the cuffs her own damned self.
*
Zoanne leaned across the study table, physics homework forgotten. “I can’t believe you’ve seen Comedic Comedy and Exploding Explosions, but you’ve never seen Horrific Horror,” she said. “It started the whole franchise!”
Tim grinned ruefully and closed his textbook. “I was out of the country when it came out.” Actually, he’d been on another planet, with Young Justice. “I guess I just never got around to renting it.”
When he was with Dick, they watched kung-fu thrillers and old classics. And his friends… Cissie and Cassie had quoted Comedic Comedy for weeks, and Kon had secretly loved Romantic Romance, though Tim was pretty sure he was the only one who knew that. They had all watched Exploding Explosions over and over – it was kind of hilariously like their lives. But when Horrific Horror had come out on video, and they had all sat down to watch it together…Greta had hidden her face in a pillow, and Bart had kept covering his eyes, or running out of the room, or, finally, both at once, which had resulted in splintered wood and plaster dust and a possible concussion.
Kon had been furious. His spot on the couch between Cissie and Cassie had become completely useless when they’d switched over to Wendy reruns. “Horror movies,” he’d told Tim later, “are absolutely the best way to get a girl into your lap…arms around you, holding you tight…”
“I’ve got it on DVD,” Zoanne said. “We should watch it some time.” She grinned, suddenly. “We should watch it tonight! Are you busy?”
Tim sat up straight. “No, I - I’d love to. Do you want to come to my place, or…”
“We should go to mine,” Zoanne said as she started loading her bag. “Dad went to Metropolis for a conference, and he took Mom with him. We’ll have the place to ourselves. We can watch it on the big TV in the den.”
“Okay, Tim said. “We can order a pizza, or – oh, that Thai place you like delivers, doesn’t it? I’ll treat.”
“Mmm…spicy noodles, a scary movie, and a big strong guy to protect me.” Zoanne stood up and slung her bag over her shoulder. “Let me dump some of this at my locker. I’ll meet you up front?
“Sure,” Tim said, grinning. “See you in a few.”
Zoanne smiled at him over her shoulder as she left the library. Tim sighed happily.
Then his phone rang.
*
He heard the door open just as he was pulling his shirt over his head. He’d left it unlocked just in case Cassie decided to swing by tonight, and it looked like she had. “Hey,” she said from the doorway, “did you notice M’Gann didn’t say a single thing at the meeting today? She wasn’t herself in the slightest.”
That wasn’t exactly what he’d expected her to come talk about. “I— Cassie, where have you been all day? Your phone’s been off since the meeting, and I’m heading out early tomorrow for Gotham. I was kinda hoping you and I could—“ Cassie walked right past him, toward the bed. “Hello?”
She sat down on the far side of the bed and tapped the sheets with her hand. “Come here”
Tim sat down and put an arm around her back. “You know, I was starting to think I wouldn’t get to see you again until next weekend.” He leaned in for a kiss, only to be stopped with a hand to his chest.
“Hang on. Remember at dinner, I said I had something to say to you?”
Tim backed off a little. He felt his face fall into something soft and sad. “About Conner.”
“Yeah,” Cassie said. She pulled her hand back into her lap. “Ever since he died…It’s been the most trying and painful time of my life. Nothing else comes even remotely close. For a while, I constantly ached—physically ached—over loosing him. I still miss him. A lot.”
Tim bowed his head. He didn’t have to tell her that he felt the same.
“But, like I said yesterday…” she broke off. When Tim looked up at her face, he realized she was crying. “…I’ve come to accept he’s gone,” she finished. “Conner isn’t coming back.”
“Hey,” Tim said, reaching out to wipe her tears. “It’s okay—:
“Tim,” she said, pulling away, “please let me say this. What I said to Kara yesterday I said because…If I’m going to get over Conner, I need to do it without anyone taking his place.”
“You’re…you’re breaking up with me.” Tim said. It felt like exactly the wrong kind of epiphany, that moment when you realized just what an idiot you were, how badly you’d screwed up- “Stupid—“ he said. “I’m supposed to be some kind of detective!” He jumped to his feet, unable to sit still any longer. “How did I not see this coming? I thought we were—I thought you were going to tell me—Wow, did I misread that one.”
“I’m sorry, Tim,” Cassie pushed off of the bed and stood. When he backed toward the window, she just followed him, “ I know that so much is weighing on you lately, and I don’t mean to add to it, but—“
He shouldn’t be so angry. Cassie was his friend. But there was more at stake here than just their friendship. The glimpse they’d gotten of their futures – They had to do everything in their power to make sure they didn’t become those people. “Did you think for one second about the bigger picture, Cassie? If we stay together, we avoid that bleak future.”
Cassie stared at him in shock. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just suggest I’m being selfish by breaking up with you. I mean, get a grip, Tim, we were barely even going out!”
“I didn’t –“ Tim started. She didn’t understand. “What I was—“
“Seriously—“ she interrupted, “if that’s all this relationship boiled down to for you? Stacking the odds for the “good of mankind”…?” When he didn’t say anything, a look of disgust flashed across her face. “You can’t control everything, Robin,” she said as she stormed out of his room. “And you sure as heck can’t control me.”
*
They had both known, of course, but it had never been put into words. It had seemed obvious to Tim that Bruce was becoming more and more attracted to him as he grew into an adult, and he'd have been an idiot if he'd thought he'd be able to hide his own feelings from Bruce, so Tim hadn't even tried. He'd also have been an idiot to think anything would come of it while he was Robin. Bruce was his mentor. Tim was his student, and a minor at that. The balance of power was too skewed, the consequences of failure were too dire, and Bruce was entirely too honorable. Sometimes, though, Tim would think about the future. He knew he wouldn't be Robin forever. He wouldn't always be the junior partner, standing in Batman's shadow. One day, Tim would wear a different suit, and they would be equals.
Well, he's wearing a different suit now, one he never, ever wanted, but he's still not standing as Bruce’s equal. And now he won't ever get that chance.
That the suit had been there, though - sized and weighted and outfitted just for him - said a lot about Bruce's estimation of his skills. That was the only way he could even do this...Because he wasn't as good as Bruce, but the suit meant Bruce had thought he was good enough. And maybe if he was good enough for the suit, he'd have been good enough for other things, if he'd ever dared to try. But there was no use dwelling on missed opportunities.
Batman had work to do.
END.
Author’s note: The story was due today, but it’s not exactly done, because I’ve got at least – AT LEAST – six more characters I want to throw in here, but I sort of ran out of time, and I couldn’t find some issues I wanted for reference. So more will be coming later, injected into the middle, missing scene style. I guess I’ll repost when I get those six?
